


they told me the future was bright

by partypaprika



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 18:44:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4931029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partypaprika/pseuds/partypaprika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What do you want, Clarke of the Sky People?" Indra says, her voice loud in the clearing. "Do you want to die? Because that is what will happen to you if you continue to waste here amongst the dead."</p>
            </blockquote>





	they told me the future was bright

**Author's Note:**

> Ostensibly this is Bellamy/Clarke, but it's really more like 90% Clarke-centric, 10% Bellamy/Clarke. (I don't want to get anyone's hopes up!)

Clarke wants to walk for a proverbial forty days and forty nights. She wants to walk until her feet are bleeding, until she's so exhausted that she sleeps, until everything on the inside has been burned clean. She would take ash in her soul over the bodies of the thirty children that she'd killed. 

 

But instead, after she leaves Camp Jaha, Clark's feet take her to the drop ship. She ends up sitting by Wells' grave. The gently sloping hump has some grass and weeds beginning to grow on it, although they'll be gone soon enough. It's already starting to get cold and winter will set in within a few weeks. 

 

Clarke wonders if Wells would have dealt with any of this better. Would he have been a better leader than she was? Wells was always strong and sure of himself. Maybe his moral backbone could have better withstood Mount Weather than Clarke's. Not that it matters, Clarke reminds herself. Wells is dead. Another person that Clarke couldn't save.

 

She sits out there until night begins to fall and when Clarke stands up and wipes at something on her face, she realizes that she's been crying, dried tear tracks now covering her cheeks. 

 

That night, Clarke sleeps inside the drop ship curled up inside of the one of the make-shift blankets that they'd assembled when the hundred had first landed. Actually, even then they'd already been the ninety-eight. It's funny in a way, that there are less than half of the original group left and Clarke still thinks of them as being the hundred. But even with their dwindling numbers, there’s a certainty when Clarke thinks of the hundred. She will always carry the rest of the hundred with her—until the day that she dies, Clarke will be but one one-hundredth of her people. 

 

Clarke dreams that night of Atom and Maya: the first person that she killed and the last. They both have burns on their faces; Atom's from the acid fog and Maya's from the radiation. Atom and Maya look at Clarke accusingly and Clarke pleads with them and begs them to forgive her as they burn right in front of her. When Clarke finally forces herself awake, she's crying again and her voice is hoarse from screaming. 

 

There are two or three hours before dawn, but Clarke doesn't want to go back to sleep, so she goes down to the graves and sits there, her blanket wrapped around her to ward off the chill. 

 

On the third day, Clarke hears sounds from the woods. It's people who are probably from Camp Jaha, based on how loud they are. No Grounder would go tromping through the forest like that. Clarke would estimate that they're about fifteen to twenty minutes away, because they don't sound like they're moving all that fast. Either way, Clarke has no desire for them to realize that she's there. 

 

There's not much trace of her at the drop ship, but Clarke grabs the blanket she slept in because Camp Jaha is probably coming to salvage what they can. On a whim, she also grabs a stray jacket that someone left behind. Winter is coming and soon Clarke will need all the warmth that she can get. 

 

Clarke puts the jacket on over her own and stuffs the blanket underneath her shirt. She scans the trees around the drop ship camp and climbs up one that obscures her from the ground but gives her a fairly clear sight line back to the camp. 

 

Sure enough, ten minutes later, a large group from Camp Jaha emerges. There's Bellamy, Jasper, Monty, all of the remaining hundred. Even Octavia is there, shadowed by Lincoln. Raven's in the middle of the group as well, although she's limping, still recovering from Mount Weather, and has to use crutches in addition to her normal brace. Clarke's mom is walking near the back. She's also limping, although she's being assisted by Kane. 

 

At first Clarke thinks that the hundred are carrying bags for scavenging, but the size of the group and the shape of the bags don't make sense. Then she realizes that the bags aren't for scavenging. Clarke counts seven bags in total. That's five for those of the hundred who died in the mountain. She isn't sure who the other two are, maybe Arkers who died. 

 

Bellamy leads the group to the drop ship. He nods curtly at Miller and Monroe and instantly the two of them, plus Del, Grand, Kath and Guy step out of the group with shovels. They begin digging next to the older graves, seven spots for the seven bodies. 

 

When the graves have been dug, the bodies of the five who died in Mount Weather are carefully laid in each spot. Someone has gone to a lot of work to clean up the bodies, but the holes drilled in the knees are still visible and for a moment, Clarke is overwhelmed with the pain that her people must have gone through before they died. If only they had gotten there earlier--if only Clarke had stayed and figured out a way to get everyone out of the mountain. The ifs go on and on until Clarke forces herself to take deep, quiet breaths to calm down.

 

Clarke is surprised to see Mark place an older man that she doesn't recognize into one of the graves. Jasper follows, carefully carrying Maya's body before he lays her onto the ground. When Jasper steps back, Clarke gets a good look at his face. The raw pain on it is evident as he goes to stand by Miller, deliberately ignoring Monty.  

 

Bellamy walks up to the front and turns to face the silent group. Something twists even further in Clarke’s chest, more than she thought possible, and it hurts so much to look at him but she can't stop. He looks old, so old, as old as Clarke feels. There are bags underneath his eyes indicating that he's had little sleep over the past few days. It’s doubtful if he had any substantive sleep while he was at Mount Weather. It isn't fair, Clarke thinks viciously. They're kids, they're all kids, none of this should have been theirs to deal with. 

 

But Clarke can't change the past any more than she can bring her dad back to life, so she stays silent in the tree and watches as Bellamy gives eulogies for Fox, Amanda, Masayo, Brad and Bartlett. When Bellamy gets to Maya, he looks briefly at Jasper. Jasper gives an almost imperceptible shake of his head and Bellamy nods back. 

 

"Maya Vie risked her life," Bellamy starts. 

 

"Wait," Jasper says, quietly. Bellamy stops. "I owe it to her." Jasper walks over to where Bellamy stands and Bellamy carefully takes a step to the side to cede the position to Jasper. 

 

Jasper takes a deep breath. "Maya, she was an amazing person. She knew the risks that she was taking not only from her own people but from ours. Maya helped us, helped me--" Jasper's voice breaks and he sucks in a low half-sob before he collects himself. "Because she knew that what her people were doing wasn't right. She stood up for what she believed in even at the cost of her own life, from her own allies. From her friends." Jasper starts crying in earnest, his breaths coming out in hiccups, turning his words into gibberish. 

 

After a long moment, Monty walks up slowly and puts his arm on Jasper's shoulder. When Jasper collects himself, he says, "She died so that we could live. We should never forget her sacrifice and it should remind us to be better people. To act with integrity. It’s on us to be worthy of Maya." 

 

Jasper then collapses in on himself, turning to face Monty. Monty wraps his arms around Jasper and then carefully escorts Jasper down to the rest of the group. When they get back, Raven hobbles over as well and wraps Jasper in a hug. The ever-present guilt that Clarke feels flares sharply and Clarke can’t stop the litany of her devastating failures that repeats in her head.

 

Clarke watches the three of them while Bellamy speaks about the older man, who was apparently Maya's father. Another ally within Mount Weather. When he finishes, Monroe and Miller quietly coordinate the burying of the bodies. Camp Jaha doesn't linger after that, heading back to camp. 

 

Bellamy stays behind for a minute or two. He contemplates one of the walls of the drop ship and takes out a knife. Clarke wonders if he's going to carve a message onto it, but after a second, he drops his hand and puts the knife back in his pocket, before going and standing by the graves. Octavia comes back to get Bellamy and she puts her hand on his shoulder. “Living is for the living,” she says softly. Bellamy nods once and then lets Octavia lead him towards the rest of the group.

 

Clarke waits close to an hour before she comes back out of the tree. She makes her way over to the graves and sits between Fox's grave and Maya's. When night falls, Clarke can't make herself get up, so she just wraps the blanket around her for extra warmth. Clarke must fall asleep, because she dreams that Maya is there again, in her hazmat suit and with a cut on her throat, just like the first time that Clarke met Maya. Maya just stares at Clarke and Clarke tries to close her eyes and make Maya go away, but Maya's still there. She's always there, she'll be there with Finn and Fox and Atom and Anya, every single one of them will always be there. 

 

When morning comes, Clarke continues to lie there. She doesn't move all day except to drink water from her leather bottle. She knows that at some point, she's going to run out of water, but she ignores that knowledge just like she ignores any hunger pains.

 

One day runs into the next and they're all filled with silent hallucinations who stare at Clarke as if they want something from her. Clarke wants to say that she’s sorry, she never meant for this to happen. But she’s tired, so tired now. Maybe if she lies there long enough, the leaves will cover her up and she’ll decompose into the Earth where she belongs. After all, as Octavia said, living is for the living—maybe it’s better that she goes out this way, taking the Arkers’ pain and suffering with her.

 

After a while, the ache upon seeing the neverending parade of dead people—her dad, Finn, Wells, Maya, Atom, all of them—becomes almost welcome. The pain is just one more reason to stay. It all fits together. That is, until Indra appears. Clarke blinks a few times. Did Indra die as well?

 

"Indra?" Clarke says. The outline of Indra blurs slightly as Clarke tries to push herself up. Is Indra real? Clarke tries to remember what day it is and how long she’s laid here. She’s unsuccessful.

 

"I knew you Sky People were stupid, but I did not realize how stupid," Indra says derisively. Clarke sits all the way up. Indra is still a little blurry but she's speaking which means she's probably not a hallucination. 

 

"What do you want, Indra?" Clarks says. 

 

"What do you want, Clarke of the Sky People?" Indra says, her voice loud in the clearing. "Do you want to die? Because that is what will happen to you if you continue to waste here amongst the dead." 

 

"Maybe I do," Clarke says, vocalizing it for the first time. 

 

"Maybe you do?" Indra repeats back. "You swore that you were strong, that you were a warrior and yet here you are giving up. Refusing to live. That is the greatest weakness that I have ever seen."

 

"So what?" Clarke tries to yell, although she barely has enough energy to sit and speak. "So what if I'm weak? I can't live with this anymore. They're there all the time, every single one of them. I killed your people, I killed mine and I killed the Mountain Men. I knew what I was doing every step of the way. There's no way to forgive that!" 

 

Indra frowns or at least Clarke thinks Indra frowns. The energy that it took to speak has made Clarke see stars so it’s hard to focus. Indra kneels next to Clarke and looks Clarke in the eyes. 

 

"And how many are alive because of you? Not just your people but my people as well. You and your people saved ours. You may not have saved everyone, but you did what you set out to do. That is all that you can ask of yourself. We do not live in a perfect world, Clarke of the Sky People, and we must work with our imperfect tools to the best of our ability."

 

Indra grabs Clarke's face. "You are a warrior. Are you going to fight or give up and die?"

 

Clarke closes her eyes. It would be so easy just to lay down, to go to sleep and, at some point, never wake up again. But she thinks about Bellamy, Jasper, Monty, her mother, everyone back at Camp Jaha. If she’s gone, their lives will be that much harder. Clarke takes one deep breath and then another. Indra doesn’t say anything, she just watches.

 

Finally, when Clarke is ready, she says, "I'm going to fight." 

 

Indra nods and then presses a leather bottle to Clarke. "Drink this," she says. 

 

Clarke carefully puts the bottle to her lip and almost spits out the first gulp. "That tastes terrible," she says. 

 

Indra just stares at Clarke. "You have lost a lot of water and salt. Your body is very sick now. You need to drink this. All of it." Clarke wants to make a joke about poisoning, but she doesn't think that Indra would find it funny under the best of circumstances, so Clarke just mentally steels herself and forces herself to slowly drink the liquid until it's gone. 

 

"Good," Indra says. She helps Clarke rise to her feet. Clarke's a little shaky, but her legs hold. Clarke takes a few tentative steps on her own and Indra presses a walking stick into Clarke’s hand. Indra gestures towards the wood and Clarke gets the message.

 

Now that Clarke’s made the decision to live, her mind is already planning the next steps. Water, food, necessities. Clarke should be able to go to the river to get more water and start collecting some food to eat. 

 

When Indra seems satisfied that Clarke isn't going to immediately fall over on her own, she starts to head back to the trees. 

 

"Indra," Clarke calls. Indra turns around. "Thank you." Indra doesn't say anything, her lips pursed, before she turns back around and disappears into the forest. 

 

That night, Clarke makes a small fire for herself and finds some scrap paper from the drop ship. If she's going to survive the winter, then she needs to start preparing. Clarke may have decided to live, but she knows that she's not ready yet to face the camp. There’s still a vivid ache when she thinks about seeing the hundred that Clarke hopes time will begin to dull. But, that means she'll need to start drying and preserving food in order to have enough to get through winter.  Clarke starts to make a list of what she’ll need.

 

Clarke debates trying to find another place to stay at as the drop ship is too well known to Camp Jaha, but in the end, it comes down to time. She'll barely have enough time to get food together—she can't also be scouting for a new home base. So, Clarke stays at the drop ship and focuses her efforts on preparing for winter.

 

During the day, she collects vegetation from the forest and begins the drying process. There are some bunker guns left over from when Mount Weather surprised the hundred, but Clarke's doubtful of her ability to, first, catch any prey and, second, build a smoke house by herself. She could theoretically salt meat to preserve it, but her Earth knowledge doesn't extend far enough to know what roots or herbs will produce salt. Meat and fish will have to be gotten on a fresh basis. 

 

At night, Clarke goes about weather proofing the drop ship and taking inventory of what's been left there. She was never much of a sewer, but she uses one of the sewing kits and some of the items left behind to start putting together warmer clothing.

 

Clarke does her best to stay busy because in the downtime, her mind still goes back to the people buried nearby. "Living is for the living," Clarke repeats to herself and, during the day, it mostly banishes the ghosts in her mind. As for the night, well, not even Indra's pep talk can work that great of a miracle. 

 

Despite the workload that needs to get done prior to the onset of winter, it can’t keep out everything. Sometimes, for no reason at all, she thinks back to Bellamy's face when he asked her to stay. Something catches inside of her at the thought of Bellamy and for a moment, Clarke can't help but wonder if Bellamy misses her the way that she misses him. Clarke misses his loyalty, his determination, everything. Clarke always manages to stop herself from going down that path, but the pain lingers behind for a while, like a tender bruise in the back of her mind.

 

After a week and a half, Indra shows up again, appearing in the clearing suddenly, giving Clarke a bad shock. Clarke has her gun trained on Indra automatically and has to take a few deep breaths while she holsters her gun before her heart rate settles back to normal. Indra drops a large cloth bag on the ground. 

 

"You need to be a better listener," Indra says. "You should have heard me approaching the camp." 

 

Indra's right, but Clarke chooses to focus on the issue at hand. "What's that?" Indra doesn't say anything so Clarke walks over to take a look. She opens up the bag to find a pair of fur boots and a large container. She takes the lid off of the container to find it filled with dried meats and fish. 

 

Clarke slowly puts the lid down. The goods in this bag must be worth a small Grounder fortune. The boots themselves are clearly very valuable and Clarke can only imagine how much dried food of this magnitude costs. 

 

"Indra...thank you." Clarke says slowly. 

 

Indra ignores Clarke. "My clan will be leaving soon," she says. "We will be heading to our winter village." Indra is letting Clarke know that this will be the last time that Clarke sees Indra until spring. 

 

"I see," Clarke says. "Indra, why are you helping me?" 

 

Indra looks directly at Clarke. "I am obligated to follow my commander. For as long as we are in this alliance, I must abide by her decisions. That does not mean that I agree with the commander. My clan does not forget that you saved our people. That it was your people who turned off the fog. That it was your people who freed our people inside the mountain. And it was our people who left your people to die."

 

There's a long pause before Indra speaks again. "May we meet again, Clarke of the Sky People," she says. Clarke is oddly touched at the Arkers’ parting words.

 

Clarke nods back at Indra. "May we meet again." 

 

Two weeks later, Clarke gets her first Earth snowfall. On the morning of the snowfall, she wakes up and sees clouds gathering. It’s been cold enough that there has been a thin layer of ice on some of the slower parts of the stream nearby. So Clarke makes two trips down to the river to get enough water to last her for at least a few days.

 

By midday, the sky is beginning to darken and Clarke has the feeling that this storm is going to be a wild one. She takes a calculated risk and runs to the bunker. Kane and the guards had briefly gone through it, leaving it a bit of a mess, but Clarke’s still able to find some paper and a pad and then a handful of pencils and pens. It starts snowing on the way back and it’s just beginning to come down hard when Clarke arrives at the drop ship, so Clarke gets inside and closes the door.

 

The relief at getting inside and escaping the storm puts Clarke into a good mood, or as good of a mood as she gets these days. Taken by a sudden whim, she pulls out the pad from the bunker and begins to sketch.

 

That night, she falls asleep while drawing the forest—not the forest as she once thought it was, but the crazy, radioactive forest that exists right outside of her camp. Clarke dreams of Maya that night and she’s in Jasper’s arms, the radiation burns spreading. When Clarke wakes up, tears on her face, she sees Maya sitting next to her. Maya’s wearing an oxygen tank suit and she inclines her head slightly to Clarke’s pad.

 

Clarke looks down in confusion and when she looks up, Maya is gone. But Clarke cautiously reaches for her pad and one of the pencils. Slowly, Clarke begins to sketch Maya—she sketches Maya how she should be remembered, strong and brave in the oxygen suit. She was scared, Clarke thinks, but she kept helping anyway. Eventually, Clarke falls back asleep in the mid-morning after finishing the sketch. The storm is still raging, but Clarke feels truly warm and safe for the first time in a while.

 

The storm abates after two days and when Clarke is sure that it’s over, she opens up the drop ship back entrance to find a world covered in snow. It’s so amazing that Clarke actually laughs out loud and she quickly puts on Indra’s boots and runs outside. Everywhere is white—the ground, the trees, the drop ship. Clarke had seen photographs and videos of snow, but there’s no comparison. The whole world looks remade: quiet and beautiful. She can’t stop herself from scooping up the snow and half-singing holidays songs that someone must have taught her on the Ark.

 

Only after a minute does Clarke realize that this will also be the first snow for all of the Arkers back at Camp Jaha. Like always when she thinks of Camp Jaha, Clarke’s chest hurts but this time it’s overlaid with the sadness that this is an experience that she won’t get to have with them. A happy memory that they’re making without her. _It was your choice_ , a voice inside of Clarke whispers. _They deserve the happiness. Do you?_

 

Chastened, Clarke goes and grabs a bucket and makes her way to the stream.

 

Over the next few weeks, Clarke begins to draw the faces that have haunted her nights. She draws Wells after he won their eighth grade science fair, jumping up and down behind the stage before he had to look serious in front of the crowd. Clarke draws Fox the first time that she returned, triumphant, from a hunt. She draws Finn in the bunker, looking up at Clarke next to him.

 

The nightmares don’t stop, but they do slow down enough that Clarke begins to get a full night’s sleep every few nights. When she finishes the people from her dreams, she starts drawing the members of the hundred back at Camp Jaha since the drawing seems to help. Clarke does one of Raven hard at work on her board in the make-shift engineering room back at camp. There’s one of Jasper and Monty teasing each other around the drop ship-fire which Clarke is particularly proud of. She even does one of Miller, yelling at someone to get their ass up and help with the camp.

 

She draws one of Bellamy, reaching out and grabbing Clarke’s arm before she dropped into the pit. Clarke spends a long time on that one. She does another one of Bellamy from when he came back to Camp Jaha, after Clarke had finally escaped from Mount Weather, a look of complete shock on his face as he saw Clarke. She sketches Bellamy standing in front of her at the alliance feast. Clarke draws Bellamy a lot.

 

After two weeks of being indoors, Clarke thinks that she’s going to go crazy, so she bundles up into the warmest clothes that she can find and sets out on a hike. When Clarke realizes that she’s heading towards Camp Jaha, she doesn’t stop herself, but she does take measures to be stealthier. Whoever is currently chancellor has probably posted sentries, if they’re smart, and Clark has no desire to be spotted.

 

Clarke climbs up into a tree and allows herself to just watch the activity at Camp Jaha for a while. There’s a flurry of people moving between the structures, although Clarke is too far to really make any of them out individually. There’s a group of kids out in the snow who look like they’re doing an odd sort of Tai Chi. They’re being led by someone that could only be Octavia, the Grounder hairstyle distinct even at Clarke’s distance. Octavia must be teaching the kids the basics of how to fight.

 

Someone comes out of one of the buildings near the kids and charges towards Octavia and the kids. At first Clarke thinks it’s Lincoln, but the build can’t be anyone but Bellamy. He feints and then picks up Octavia, gently twirling her around. Octavia appears to put up a mock protest, but Clarke has no doubt that if Octavia didn’t want to horse around, it would not happen. The kids are jumping up and down in excitement and Clarke finds herself smiling in genuine amusement.

 

Bellamy spends an hour or two helping his sister and even though Clarke wants to look around the camp, see if she can spot her mother, she can’t take her eyes of him. Watching him makes her heart hurt, but it’s an ache that she’s almost glad to have.

 

When the sun starts getting low and Clarke’s extremities are beginning to lose feeling from the cold, Clarke slips down from the tree and heads back to the drop ship. That night, Clarke sketches Bellamy, Octavia and the kids, all practicing together. Clarke likes the picture so much that she hangs it up on the wall of the ship. 

 

The next week, apropos of nothing, Clarke realizes that she's in love with Bellamy on the way to the river for water. In one moment, she's thinking about some rabbit foot prints that she saw and how Bellamy is probably teaching the Arkers at Camp Jaha how to construct a rabbit snare. And then in the next moment, Clarke wishes that Bellamy were here so that she could reach out and pull him in for a kiss. It's such a surprise that Clarke stumbles for a second and has to use a tree to steady herself. 

 

She tries to argue with herself on the rest of the way to the river and on the way back, but Clarke can't deny the undercurrent of want that has settled against her skin whenever she thinks about Bellamy. It's been there for a while, creeping up on her. Maybe it's been there since the beginning.

 

Clarke feels vaguely guilty about the realization, as if she's being disloyal to Finn all over again, and Clarke's chest constricts painfully so much so that she's almost out of breath by the time she returns to the drop ship. 

 

That night, Clarke has a set of nightmares that are almost as bad as the ones from the beginning. In one of them, she's killing Finn over and over again as tears stream down his face. In another, she sends Bellamy into the mountain, but Cage discovers him and uses him for the bone marrow extraction, sending a live feed of it to Clarke in Camp Jaha where she's unable to do anything but watch as Bellamy screams and withers.  

 

Clarke wakes up, hours before dawn, sobbing. At some point, she falls back into an exhausted half doze. She dreams again of Finn. But this time, his hair is long, like when they first arrived on Earth. He doesn't say anything (he never does) and he looks sad, haunted even, as he walks over to the picture that Clarke's drawn of Bellamy at Camp Jaha. Finn gives a half smile at the painting and then he nods at Clarke. 

 

Eventually, Clarke wakes up for good. She knows that her dreams are just dreams--and it doesn't take a genius to figure out the symbolism from them. But they stick with her all morning and she can't shake the sense of unease that she feels. So after a grilled salted fish lunch with some dried fruit, Clarke tugs back on Indra's boots and warm clothes. The weather's been especially cold the past few days, so Clarke heats up some water and puts the hot water into leather bottles that she places in between her clothing layers before she sets out. 

 

There aren't any practices being conducted today at Camp Jaha, but people still occasionally go in between the buildings. It isn't until Clarke makes out Bellamy walking in between two of the structures that something inside of Clarke eases. For the first time all day, she's able to take a deep breath and let the remnants of her dream about him go. 

 

Clarke doesn't linger after that. When she gets back to the drop ship, dropping a haul of branches on the floor, she reaches for her sketch pad. 

 

The next day, Clarke tries her hand at setting up a rabbit snare where she saw the rabbit footprints. She uses some defunct wiring from the ship and branches that she's found, trying to make sure that the snare was firmly in place. She's a little skeptical that it will work, but she still feels pleased with herself on the way back until she hears a branch snap nearby. Clark instantly pull out her gun and looks around, trying to figure out what direction it came from. 

 

"Who's there?" she calls, turning around with all of her senses on high alert. After an adrenaline-filled second, Bellamy sheepishly steps out from behind a nearby set of trees. Clarke is so relieved that she barely registers holstering her gun before she's running over to Bellamy. 

 

Right before Clarke gets to Bellamy, all of Clarke's feelings come crashing into her and she skids to a stop, not sure if she should hug him. Bellamy has no such compunctions as his face lights up and he pulls her into a big hug. 

 

"Clarke," he says. "It's so good to see you." 

 

"You too," Clarke says. She allows herself to not think for a moment and just let Bellamy enclose her. After a few seconds pass, Clarke pulls away. 

 

"How did you find me?" Clarke asks. 

 

Bellamy shrugs. "I saw some footprints near Camp Jaha and followed them back--I figured it was probably you when I realized that they were leading to the drop ship." Clarke winces. Indra would be so disappointed in her ground skills. 

 

"That makes sense," Clarke says. "Here, let's go back to the drop ship. How has everyone been?"

 

Bellamy walks alongside Clarke and tells her how the camp has been doing. "Jasper's still closed off, even to Monty, but he's been getting better. Your mom resigned as Chancellor and we held an election. Kane won." He lets her know about a couple of people getting sick, everyone's bodies unaccustomed to winter and the coldness. "We've been doing ok, we're surviving," Bellamy finishes when they reach the clearing. 

 

Clarke leads Bellamy in through the back route of the drop ship. Bellamy looks moderately impressed when he gets inside. "What about you?" Clarke asks after she starts a small contained fire in a steel can right outside the exit. "How are you doing?"

 

Bellamy does a half shrug. "Ok," he says. "Sometimes, I even sleep through the night." 

 

Clarke laughs. "I know the feeling," she says. "Are you hungry? I was going to make some lunch." 

 

Bellamy nods, so Clarke gets out one of the salted fish fillets from Indra. Clarke estimates that she'll probably only get a few more weeks out of Indra's stock, so she'll have to start brushing up on her hunting and fishing skills. Bellamy looks quizzically at the container. "Where'd that come from?" 

 

"Indra," Clarke says. Bellamy looks confused, so Clarke explains further. "I was in a pretty rough place for a while, she made sure that I pulled myself together. When her clan left for the winter, she dropped off some supplies."

 

Bellamy nods as if that makes sense. Maybe it does. He stops looking around the ship and focuses on Clarke. Clarke looks back and, for a second, Bellamy takes her breath away. His hair is escaping in wild curls from underneath his hat and his eyes are looking intently at Clarke as if he's afraid she's going to disappear. He's so beautiful and Clarke wants him to wrap her in his arms again and never let go. 

 

Clarke reminds herself that Bellamy does not see her the way she sees him. He respects her, deeply, the way that one would respect a wartime co-leader. How Clarke should just see him. She issues herself a stern mental warning before she realizes that Bellamy is speaking to her. Clarke shakes her head. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

 

Bellamy gives Clarke a bemused look. "I'm sorry, princess, am I not interesting enough for you? I asked how you were doing."

 

Clarke thinks about it. "I'm doing ok. Better than I was in the beginning. It was hard for a while—I didn't think I was going to make it." She doesn't tell Bellamy about the graves or how Indra found her. Maybe she'll be able to tell him some day, but not today. "But, I knew that I wanted to get back to you guys someday, so I kept going and it got better."

 

Bellamy raises an eyebrow. Whatever he had been expecting to hear as her response, that wasn't it. "Yeah?" he says. 

 

Clarke nods. "Yeah." 

 

Clarke busies herself with finishing grilling the fish and Bellamy turns and continues to look around the ship. Out of nowhere, he laughs, making Clarke look up. 

 

"I would tell you about how Octavia has been teaching the kids how to fight," Bellamy says, reaching up to run his fingers against the drawing that Clarke had done on the wall. Clarke blushes bright red. "But it looks like you already know about that." 

 

"Ah," Clarke says. "About that. Yeah." Clarke finds herself smiling, but she doesn’t say anything else and Bellamy doesn’t press any further.

 

When the fish is ready, she and Bellamy dig in. “This is really good,” Bellamy says appreciatively.

 

Clarke shrugs. “I can’t claim any credit for it, although you’re welcome to think that I’ve picked up some amazing cooking skills out here on my own.”

 

Bellamy doesn’t say anything to that, but he sets his jaw in a way that means that he’s steeling himself for what’s going to come next. “I said that Kane was elected as chancellor, but it’s clear to everyone, Kane included, that he’s a transitional chancellor. What worked on the Ark won’t work here. I can tell that he’s trying to train me to be the next chancellor. But I can’t do it alone. You have the vision to lead us. You’re the one that everyone looks to.” Bellamy takes a deep breath.

 

“When spring comes,” Bellamy says. “The Grounders are going to want to deal with you—they respect you. You think that Kane is going to get far with them? Maybe I’ll get a little farther because of what I did in Mount Weather, but you’re the one who can navigate the Grounders’ clans best.”

 

Bellamy gestures at the fish. “They didn’t bring us any food. But they brought you some.”

 

Clarke sighs and stares at the steel can in front of her, light dancing out of the top of it. She feels old, older than her nineteen years. Old enough to have lived several lifetimes.

 

“I know,” she says.

 

“You know?” Bellamy repeats.

 

Clarke manages a small smile. “Yes, I know. I’m coming back.”

 

Bellamy looks shocked and then delighted, as if he expected to have to fight her on this. Although a part of Clarke wishes she’d put up more of a fight, deep down, she knew that she would go back since the moment that she drank that horrible stuff from Indra. And her co-leader deserves honesty in that respect from her.

 

“When I come back though—you’ll be with me, right?” Clarke says. “I can’t lead alone. We work because we balance each other and I think that we’re both smart enough to know that.”

 

“Of course,” Bellamy says, completely serious. “I’ll be there as well, every step of the way.” Bellamy doesn’t take his eyes off of Clarke and Clarke has to swallow past a huge lump in her throat.

 

“Good,” Clarke says.

 

“Good,” Bellamy says back. He extends his hand. Clarke stares at it inanely for a second not sure what Bellamy is doing. Finally, Clarke realizing that Bellamy wants to shake on it. He’s making her a promise, just like she is making him one.

 

So, Clarke reaches out her right hand and grasps Bellamy’s hand. They shake on it, Clarke’s hand tingling everywhere that she and Bellamy touch. They keep shaking long after what must be the normal amount of time, until it should be weird, but neither of them make a move to stop. Eventually they stop shaking altogether and just stand there, grasping each other’s hand.

 

“Well,” Bellamy says, eventually. “I probably should head back. If I’m gone for too long, someone will get worried and probably send out a search party.”

 

Clarke nods. “Of course,” she says. Bellamy makes a move towards the back. “Wait,” she says. “Please don’t tell anyone about me yet.”

 

Bellamy turns. “Ok,” he says. “I can do that. But people do worry about you and it’s not just because you were in charge.” He pauses for a second. “When will you be back?”

 

“Soon,” Clarke says. She’s surprised to find that she means the words. “I think I’m almost ready.”

 

Bellamy smiles at that, a genuine face-stretching grin. “That’s good to hear,” he says. “Also, you should make sure to use stronger pieces of wood as stakes for your snare. Any rabbit is just going to tear through what you have up and then you’ll not just have missed out on a rabbit, but also lost a good piece of copper wire.” And then he ducks down and disappears. Clarke laughs to herself as she hears the clang of the make-shift back door opening and then closing.

 

 

 

When the first green tendrils of grass start to poke up from the ground, Clarke sets about packing up the items that she’ll want to take back with her. She puts her sketch pad and drawing materials in the bag that Indra gave her, along with the remaining few fillets of salted meat and fish. In the dwindling weeks of winter, she finally perfected her rabbit snares, which allowed her to go easy on the preserved food.

 

Clarke also puts her blanket into the sack. It’s seen her through a lot this winter and Clarke is reluctant to let it go. There are some first aid supplies that Clarke had scavenged from the ship, which Clarke adds to the haul. When she’s satisfied that she’s not missing anything else, she heads outside, stopping only to collect any catches from the rabbit snares and take the snares down for good.

 

The walk to Camp Jaha takes longer than Clarke expects because ground is too muddy for her fur boots. Eventually, she ends up dumping them into the sack and putting on her old boots, which are better suited to getting dirt all over them.

 

When Clarke gets near the camp, she makes sure to make lots of noise and walk in full sight of the sentries posted in the woods. As she passes the men and women, each of the guards nods at her, their faces serious. Clarke nods back.

 

By the time that she’s near the gate, there’s a small crowd that’s amassed, meaning that someone spotted her a while back and started telling others. Her mom’s at the front and Abby doesn’t even wait for Clarke to cross the threshold before she’s running and wrapping Clarke up in a hug.

 

“I was so worried,” Abby says, her words overlapping each other. “You could have been—I missed you so much—I’m so happy that you’re safe and back.”

 

Clarke hugs her mother back, hard, and tries to hold back the tears. When Abby finally pulls back, there are tears streaming down her face. “I’m so happy to see you, Clarke,” Abby says. “I’m so happy.”

 

After that, Abby steps back, and then suddenly, Clarke is enveloped in a giant mass of the hundred. Raven’s arms are around her neck and it looks like Miller’s pressed up against her side. Clarke can see Monty on her left, his eyes wet. Clarke closes her eyes. In her mind’s eye, the missing members of the hundred are there as well: Finn, Fox, Atom, Charlotte, Myles. When Clarke opens her eyes, she sees Bellamy standing off to the side, he’s smiling as well.

 

After Clarke is finally allowed to disengage from the group hug, the hundred form a line without speaking and they each give her an individual hug. No one says much of anything, but they don’t need to. By the end, Clarke isn’t having much luck keeping it together and she greets the last of the group with tears in her eyes.

 

Octavia approaches Clarke next, Lincoln quietly stepping back to stand by Bellamy. “Hey Octavia,” Clarke says cautiously, trying to wipe her face discretely.

 

“Clarke,” Octavia starts. “I’m—I’m glad you’re back.” She says gruffly, then wraps up Clarke in a hug. Clarke is in such a state of disbelief that it takes her a moment to get with the program and hug Octavia back. There’s a part of Clarke that had been convinced that Octavia would never forgive her. Which Octavia has every right to do so—she and Jasper both. It’s not until Clarke wraps her arm firmly around Octavia, in almost sheer relief, that she realizes what a weight Octavia’s forgiveness meant.

 

When Octavia finally lets go (thankfully for Clarke’s lungs—it’s clear that Octavia has kept up her training), Lincoln comes over and pats Clarke solidly on the shoulder. Clarke takes that to mean he’s showing her a great sign of affection, since Octavia is standing proudly next to him.

 

Even Kane comes out to greet Clarke. He holds out his hand, shakes Clarke’s firmly and says, “Welcome back.” Clarke stifles a laugh at the thought that less than a year ago, this was the man who practically ordered her to her death. But Kane’s not the only one from the Ark there—it feels like practically everyone in the camp turns out at some point and Clarke shakes a lot of hands and nods at people that she only has the barest sense of meeting previously.

 

By the time that Clarke has finished shaking hands and saying hello to people, the light is starting to fade as the afternoon gives way. Bellamy is still hanging back, standing next to the fence. Every time that Clarke had looked over, he’d been standing there—chatting with Arkers or just keep watching over the area. Bellamy catches Clarke’s eyes and then walks over to her.

 

“Had enough of kissing babies?” he teases as he approaches.

 

“What can I say,” Clarke deadpans. “There were just so many babies. They tired me out.”

 

“Do I also get a handshake?” Bellamy asks. Clarke flashes back to the last handshake that she had with Bellamy and feels herself flush.

 

“No,” Clarke says, surprising herself.

 

“No?” Bellamy says.

 

“No.” Clarke says and then steps forward and puts her arms around his chest. “You get a hug.”

 

Bellamy freezes up for a second and then wraps his arms around Clark, completing the circle. “Always have to do things your way,” he says, although his voice seems to come from far away. Eventually, they break apart and Bellamy takes Clarke over to the living quarters. He leads her into a small room. There’s only one cot in it.

 

“I thought that most people would be sleeping with roommates,” Clarke says.

 

“They are,” Bellamy says, not elaborating further. So Clarke is getting a special room. Clarke frowns but doesn’t say anything. She sets down her pack and begins to take out the few possessions that she brought. Clarke lays the blanket over the bed and puts the sketching pad on top of it. She sits next to it and examines the space around her.

 

“Dinner’s generally served around 5:30 in the evening,” Bellamy says.

 

Clarke nods. “If it’s ok, I might skip it,” she says. “That was kind of intense out there.”

 

“I figured,” Bellamy says, kindly. “I think that everyone will understand. Breakfast is around 7:30 a.m. although there’s food available for an hour or so after that and there’s always some dried fruit or something for people who want to get a snack later on in the morning.”

 

“Thanks,” Clarke says. “How’s Jasper?” He had been the only member of the remaining hundred who hadn’t come to greet Clarke.

 

Bellamy gives Clarke a look. “He’s ok,” Bellamy says. “Maya’s death was pretty hard for him. It was hard for everyone, but especially Jasper. He’ll come around though. I know that he was worried about you and missed you during the winter.”

 

Clarke rubs at her forehead. “I hope so,” she says, even as a part of her, a part of her that even four months and change at the drop ship couldn’t erase, thinks that she deserves for Jasper to never forgive her.

 

Bellamy leaves after a few more minutes, leaving Clarke alone in her new room. Even though she’s spent significant time in Camp Jaha before she left, Clarke still feels like something isn’t clicking—that there’s something inside of her still feels ill at ease in this place. She tells herself that it’s probably just the crowd of people after four months of complete solitude.

 

Clarke sketches the crowd greeting her at the gate when she arrived. When she finishes that, she moves onto a mental snapshot of Bellamy, perched against one of the metal structures near the fence, staring at Clarke.

 

Clarke keeps messing up Bellamy’s face and after the third try, she finally gives up in disgust. Clarke lies on the bed for a while, watching the last rays of the sun disappear, giving way to night. For a few hours, Clarke just lays there and listens to the sound of people coming and going, everyone keeping busy. Eventually though, even that dies down though and gives way to quiet as people turn in for the night.

 

When Clarke’s watch says that it’s close to midnight, Clarke decides that she can’t take it anymore. She layers up her clothing and leaves her room, heading outside. For a while, she just walks around the inner perimeter of the camp. The guards must see her, but no one says anything or makes a move to stop her. Eventually, Clarke finds a spot to sit next to one of the stray structures near the eastern part of the wall and lowers herself down. It’s a little chilly, so she pulls her jacket closer, but something about the spot keeps Clarke from getting up.

 

Fifteen minutes or so later, Clarke has zoned out into her own world as she plans out what Camp Jaha needs to do this spring, factoring in what Kane has already probably put in motion. She’s so out of it that when a blanket is dropped from behind onto her shoulders, Clarke jumps up slightly to see Bellamy looking amused.

 

“You should work on your awareness skills there,” Bellamy says.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I know,” Clarke says, grumpily. Bellamy just grins and sits down next to her. After a short, internal debate, Clarke holds out the end of the blanket.

 

Bellamy gives Clarke an unreadable look back. Clarke resists the urge to look down nervously and instead, keeps staring back him, trying to will him to stop being an idiot. Bellamy studies her for a minute longer before he scoots over and pulls the blanket around his shoulders.

 

Neither of them say anything for a while, Clarke doing her best to not fixate on how good Bellamy’s arm feels, pressed up against her side.

 

“You know,” Bellamy starts. “The hundred are really happy that you’re back. Everyone couldn’t stop talking about it today at dinner. I had to stop everyone from flooding your room at once, by convincing them that you needed a night to settle in.”

 

“Thank you,” Clarke says. Clarke thinks about that for a minute. “You know, I came back for a lot of reasons. The hundred were definitely a large part of that,” Clarke pauses. “But, they weren’t the only reason.”

 

“What do you mean?” Bellamy says.

 

Clarke takes a deep breath. It’s now or never—she can’t be a co-leader with Bellamy with this constantly hanging over her head. Or, maybe, it’s that she won’t go forward without getting this off her chest. Earth has been filled with risks; Clarke deserves to choose some of her own.

 

“I also came back for you,” Clarke says, her voice quiet.

 

Bellamy turns to face Clarke. He looks at her for a minute. “Good,” he says finally. Clarke freezes, not sure what Bellamy is trying to impart. Then Bellamy smiles at her and Clarke knows before he speaks that everything is going to be ok. “Because I was waiting for you.”

 

Bellamy doesn’t hesitate, he moves in and places his hand against Clarke’s cheek. Clarke can’t help but lean into Bellamy’s touch, her blood practically singing. And then, Bellamy kisses her, his lips warm against hers in a moment that seems to go on forever.

 

When they finally pull apart, Bellamy puts his arms around Clarke and pulls her in tight. Clarke relaxes against Bellamy’s chest, never wanting to move. And finally, finally, the missing piece inside of her settles as Clarke realizes that she really is home.

**Author's Note:**

> So many thanks to bitofpixiedust for beta-ing and hand holding (and watching the show so my flailings made sense).


End file.
